2nd IUI

Well we had our second IUI today.

Jeff did his sample at home and then we rushed over to the RE's office, dropped it off and then went to Target. We went back to the doc's office an hour later and finally get called back to do our procedure..

Are you ready for this??

His count was 950,000!!!! I know that's not really that high, but for us thats really really good so I'm extremely happy. It was almost triple what it was last time (357,000), so that means the Clomid is really actually working!!

We both have our fingers crossed that at least one of my eggs gets fertilized, what an awesome Christmas gift that would be :0). I'll be testing on January 4th, I'll be 12DPIUI and it's also when Jeff leaves to go back to Florida. Hopefully I have some good news for him. :0)

O, our IVF packet came in the mail the other day, what a lot of paperwork!! All that's left is to get the rest of my bloodwork results back, get a physical/pap done and also get Jeff's blood work. Then we fax that all up there and get officially accepted. Once that happens we'll get an orientation date. I really hope the IUI works and we won't need to do the IVF, but its really nice to have that as a backup.

Follie Check

Well I had my RE appointment this morning to check to see how well I'm responding to the Clomid this time.

Well...

I had 3 Follies!! All were 16mm.. completely awesome.. and my doctor told me I might not respond as well to the Clomid this time around because of the BCP I was on last cycle.. psshhh to her..

So we're triggering late Sunday night and having the IUI Tuesday morning! I'm being cautiously optimistic about it... I just really really hope that Jeff's count is a lot better than last time.. I mean cmon it's got to be better than 357,000... *fingers crossed*..

O yeah I almost forgot..... I got to pick up Jeffrey Thursday afternoon!!! It's so great to have him home.. I missed him sooo much... I'm really not going to want to bring him back... *sigh*..

blah

*sigh* that is all.

Update 12/4

Hey everyone! Just a quick update since nothing much is going on....

Jeff will be home on Dec 18th until Jan 4th (no not violating OPSEC he's in school not deployed). I miss him lots so hopefully these next 2 weeks fly by.

I took my last BCP pill tonight, Dec 7th will be considered CD 1. I'm taking Clomid 50mg again from CD 5-9, going in for my first ultrasound on Dec 19th. If everything goes like last time (trigger on CD 15 and IUI on CD 17), we'll be triggering on Dec 21 and having the IUI on Dec 23. Only going through with it if Jeff's count is over a million so *fingers crossed* that it is.

Walter Reed got our referral last week, we should receive notice via mail (welcome packet and all that) in about 2 weeks.. exciting! Of course I hope the IUI works and we won't need the IVF, but it's nice to have that in the background just in case.

Well that's it.. just waiting for Jeff to come home......

I guess I should update huh?

Well, I haven't really written in awhile to let all ya'll know what's been going on.. Not that there's really much to tell anyway. *sigh*.

I had to drop Jeff off at the airport last Sunday ( Nov 16)... that completely sucked. I know it could be worse, and he could be deployed for like 15 months, but it still freaking sucks. Honestly, I'd rather have him deployed on the sub, getting to see (web cam) and talk to him every day really makes it a lot harder then normal... He's definitely getting leave for Christmas Stand down though, we've already bought the plane tickets... coming home Dec 18 until Jan 4th... so not too much longer... *sigh*

After talking with my RE about what to do this cycle, we came to the decision to put me on BCP. Very strange to be taking them, but you gotta do what you gotta do. We came to that conclusion so that we can manipulate my next cycle to hopefully ovulate while Jeff is home. So I have to call about 10 day's before hes expected home, so we can get started with the plan. I'm going to be taking Clomid again from CD 5-9, get monitored lots to make sure I respond to it again (the BCP might suppress it so we're not sure, but I'm guessing I will). Then another trigger shot and another IUI. We've also come to the decision that we're not going through with the IUI this time unless the count is at LEAST above 800,000. I'd ideally love it to be over a million, but we'll see when the time comes.

In other news, I went to my PCM on Wednesday to get a referral letter for IVF. We talked about our history (thank god she knows most of it). How long we've been trying for, what we've done already, etc. I gave her a copy of both of Jeff's SA's and told her his count for the IUI, she agreed with me that IVF w/ ICSI is our best option. *sigh* So she wrote up the referral letter, I have to give it a few days to be routed through Tricare, then go get a copy and fax it up to Walter Reed. I also had all the pre-IVF blood work done on Thursday, 10 vials worth. I still need to get my CD 3 FSH E2 levels drawn, but that'll have to wait until next cycle. I'm sick of being a pin cushion, but I know it's only going to get worse.

I really don't know why we're going to bother with another IUI in December, I guess I'm just pathetic and holding out hope that we won't need to go as far as IVF. Kinda sad huh? We'll just cancel out of it if his count isn't high enough, so no biggie right?. Just more Clomid and another shot in the ass (ouch), and of course the lovely U/S wand.. *eye roll*. Not to mention getting my hopes up once again... I can't take much more of that.. I'm so scared that we'll never be pregnant, all I want is a baby with my husband, it's not supposed to be this hard.

Well it was a bust

Well I got my blood tested yesterday, got the results back today, it was definitely negative. I'm really not that upset, I was expecting it to be negative.

Jeff's leaving on Sunday. Hopefully he'll be able to come home for Christmas.. I really don't want to go three months w/o seeing him. Blah..

So heres our plan now:

We've pretty much resigned ourselves to the fact that IVF is our only option. I have an appointment on November 19th to get a referral letter to send up to Walter Reed for it.. I'm really hoping that everything goes through quickly and we can do the orientation in December (when he's hopefully home). That way we should be set up to get into a cycle right when we move up to Ft. Meade.

I'm kinda torn on doing another IUI in December. I mean it would be awesome to get pregnant from it and not have to go through IVF.. but on the other hand I'm thinking it'll be a waste of money since Jeff's count is so low. I guess it'll depend on the timing and whether it works out or not.

Well I'll update again once I know more.

Well heres whats been going on...

Well I took Clomid 50mg from CD 5-9.. went in for my post coital exam and had another U/S... saw three follicles still but not mature yet. My next appointment was Monday morning. Again there were follicles, 2 were 17.5mm and 1 was 16.5, I had 2 more also but they were no where near ready. The doc gave me a prescription for a trigger shot (its a straight shot of HCG to cause ovulation in 36 hours). We went and picked it up.

Tuesday night at 5:30 Jeff gave me the trigger shot in the butt. lol. He was pretty nervous about doing it, but he did it perfectly. The shot site was pretty sore for a day or two afterwards. I had some ovulation pain for awhile. On Thursday morning we went back to the RE. Jeff gave his sample at 8am, we went out to breakfast and went to Target. At 9:30 we went back for the IUI. I get undressed and am laying on the table, my doc comes in and lets us know that Jeff's sample came to only 357,000 after the sperm wash. We were both pretty upset, we definitely weren't expecting the numbers to be that low. She asked us if we were sure we still wanted to do the IUI. I really didn't want too, didn't really see a point with numbers that low, but Jeff wanted to go ahead anyway since it was onlt $200. We ended up doing the IUI, afterwards I layed there for 10 mins and cried. We payed and left.

The rest of the day we were both pretty down. It really was a shock after his last SA for the numbers to be that low. We're doing better today. If we end up pregnant this cycle, it really will be a miracle.

If this cycle is a bust then here's the plan:

* Next cycle we'll be on a forced break because of the Navy.
* But the cycle after that (Dec).. I'll take Clomid 50mg again, have the trigger shot again and do another IUI. This is all dependant on whether the timing of my cycle would be right or not.
* If that doesn't work the next 2 cycles (Jan and Feb) we'd be on a break again because of the Navy.

I'm really tempted to call my PCM and get a referral to Walter Reed for an IVF put in. I feel like doing IUI after IUI w/ #'s these low would be completely pointless and a waste of money. We'll see though.

*Update*

Well here are your updates .. lol

Jeff's Oglioblood results were completely normal.. no testicular failure at all... so my RE prescribed him Clomid 25mg every day. We won't see the results of that for like 3 months since it takes 92 days for sperm to form. We're still waiting on his thyroid results.

I've been taking my Synthroid every day. Doing good with that. I can totally tell a difference. kinda crazy how important your thyroid is.

My cultures came back negative... so I'm all clean lol

Now for more info..

I started taking Clomid 50mg on CD 5.. I took my last pill today.. I went into my RE today to draw blood and get another U/S.. The blood work should be in tomorrow. The U/S showed that I have 3 follicles developing right now.. they're all in the 12mm range. They should be 18-24mm for a "ripe" one. But they grow at a rate of 2mm a day after hitting the 12mm range, so only a few more days.

The Plan:

Go in on Friday for a post coital exam... make sure we have sex 2-8 hours before exam... probably another U/S to determine where we're at with my follicles... see if they're still developing on schedule. Possibly a trigger shot over the weekend if all goes as planned (maybe not though if my body decided to cooperate and do a LH surge on it's own). We should be doing IUI on Monday or Tuesday *fingers crossed* that it works.. I'm very excited and nervous.. If this doesnt work then we won't be able to try again until March (unless everything is timed perfectly for Christmas Stand down when Jeff should be home).

Update

Well I figured I would update ya'll on what's been going on with us lately. I got the results back from all that blood work, everything was completely normal except my TSH was elevated (at 5.16), so I've officially been diagnosed with Hypothyroidism. I started taking Synthroid on Saturday and I'm feeling pretty good. I went into the RE last Friday because my cycle was so long, had more blood drawn, some cultures taken and an ultrasound done. The blood work showed that I did indeed ovulate, but I haven't gotten the results back from the cultures. Jeff had his ogliobloods done that same day, no results on that yet.

O speaking of Jeffrey, he had his urologist appointment today. The exam went fine, he has no varicole veins. The doctor said that his last SA was pretty good, of course the count is a little low and so is the motility but he said that's nothing that IUI won't fix. He also drew Jeff's thyroid levels, so we're waiting on those results too.

So AF showed today as well. My cycle was 55 days long and my LP was 12 days. I called my RE to let them know and spoke to one of the nurses. They want to monitor me this cycle, possibly do an endometrial biopsy and see what's going on with me. I know I don't have a LP defect though, so it's pretty pointless. I flat out told her that I want to do Clomid with a trigger shot and an IUI this cycle since Jeff's leaving for Florida next month. (he's cross rating and has to go to school.. he'll be gone from Nov 15-Dec 17 and then again from Jan 4-Feb 24). The nurse couldn't tell me anything about that, didn't really know what she was talking about, so the doctor should be calling me back tomorrow to talk about it. Hopefully they listen to me and do what I want, because I'm not really going to back down from it. I'm on a time crunch, Jeff's leaving and I want to freaking be pregnant already. They're a doctors office how hard is it to help your patient?. UGH.

So recap:

AF started today
We're waiting on Jeff's bloodwork (ogliobloods and thyroid)
I have hypothyroidism
waiting for doc to call to verify what we're doing this cycle

Well thats it.. I'll update again when I know more information.

New Plan!

So I talked to my RE yesterday, they called and woke me up at 8:30 in the morning! Don't these people know that I'm still sleeping at that point? LOL

Well, they got the SA results that I sent and said they were a lot better then last time. Which of course I knew. They did the calculations and after you count in normal motility/normal morphology, we have around 8 million perfect sperm. That's tons better than none!. They're sending out paperwork for Jeff to get blood work done to find out his testosterone levels. If that's whats wrong then they'll prescribe Clomid. Other than that he has an urologist appointment on Oct 14th, so we'll see what they say too.

My results from the 9 vials of blood they took aren't in yet. They should be in this week so I'll update again with those.

O so you want to know the plan?

Well...

I'm to call when my next cycle starts. They're going to monitor me because we more than likely will be doing IUI!!!.. I'm so excited! They'll have to give me Clomid or something to make sure I ovulate quickly because we need to get this done before Jeff leaves for school. Eep! I really hope it works the first shot, we've been waiting long enough..

GOOD News!

God its about time we got some good news!. If ya'll remember my DH had a SA a few weeks back and the results came back as horrible. Like they were so low that they had to let it sit and magnify it 300x to see anything. So yeah, basically almost sterile. WELL. DH went and got his second SA to verify the firsts results last week and we finally got the new numbers today. His count is 16 MILLION . WOW. He went from d*mn near sterile to a really good count! Needless to say we're completely relieved. BUT.... It's not all good news. His morphology is pretty low. It's at 15% and they want it at least 30%. Also his motility was really low at only 18%, they want it at least 50%. He has an urologist appointment on Oct 14th. We're trying to move it up though because he's leaving in November for 3 months. Hopefully they'll let us. What he's been doing:: taking Maca Root, vitamin E and a multivitamin every day. He also works out 5 days a week. We're going to get him these vitamins tomorrow. They have everything in them to help with sperm count/motility/morphology.

1st RE appt *Mega Rant*

I had my first RE appt today. Made Jeff go with me of course. LOL. Well we get there on time, give them all the paperwork and what not and then sit down and wait for freaking ever. Finally got called back, but not to see the original doctor I was supposed to see but someone else because shes still in with a patient.

So we go over our complete history. My cycles, what I've had done so far. My family history, Jeff's history, about his SA's.. blah blah blah.. Well guess what happened after that....

NOTHING. They put in an order to get my medical record from my OB-GYN (the bloodwork and U/S results). O yeah and they drew a pointless vial of blood to test for who knows what. Apparently they're going to go over my bloodwork and everything and then go from there. Are you freaking kidding me?. I drove 45 mins out of my way for that? What bullshit.

So here's their pointless plan..

They're going to monitor my hormone levels and all that (yay! lots of blood going to be drawn). and they're supposedly going to monitor me by U/S to make sure I'm ovulating or whatever. If I'm not then we'll talk about putting me on medication to make me. I'm so freaking sick and tired of all the doctors I go to not doing a damn thing for me. How hard is it to help us?. It's not fair, all these people go to their docs and get help right away. Not me. I have horrible fucking luck. All my docs want to be conservative with my treatment. I'm going nuts.

Best part. Jeff is leaving in 2 months to go to school down in Florida. He won't be home for 3 months. Then we're PCSing right away so I'll have to get a new doctor and a new referral to a RE. So after November we won't really be getting any help until at the earliest March.

I'm so frustrated with this whole process. Jeff has a low count, almost clinically sterile (I should be getting the results of his second SA tomorrow so we'll know more then. o yeah he got a referral for an urologist too so we're waiting on that too). We more than likely will NOT get pregnant naturally. So why won't anyone help us?. Seriously this is ridiculous.

This whole TTC process is really putting a strain on our relationship. I'm stressed and depressed all the time and definitely taking it out on him. I can't help it though, I don't know how to redirect any of that. I guess I partly blame him, it's not right of me I know that, but its what I'm doing. I'm stressing out that no one will help. I'm stressing out that he's leaving soon for 3 months. I'm stressing about having to start over in a new state. I'm stressing out thinking that I'll never get pregnant. I'm stressing out that if I never get pregnant I'll resent Jeff for the rest of my life. I'm stressing that he's acting so non-chalant about it. For once I'd like the man to show some damn emotion about something. He cried when he first found out about his low count and since then he's just been his usual cold self. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm really ready to just give up. Maybe we're just not meant to have kids. That's really hard to swallow.

No one understands how I feel. They're trying to sympathize and stuff, but really it just comes off sounding fucking lame. I hung up on my mom today because she said something like "at least you got the ball rolling with the new doc". Yeah. she took my information. I could have done that over the phone. what a pointless appointment. You know I haven't talked to either one of my sisters since July. I don't want to hear about their kids or have them give me some bullshit saying they're sorry. Fuck that.

God. I really hate this. Getting pregnant is not supposed to be this damn hard.

hate the Navy

Well.. sometimes I hate the Navy..

I told ya'll about how my DH got cross rated and would need to go to school in Florida for a little while. Well he got his orders today..

and..



they are unaccompanied orders.. Which means that I don't go with him.. turns out the school is only 10-12 weeks long and they have to be at least 16 weeks to get accompanied/PCS orders. He leaves November 17th.

So my husband is going to Pensacola Florida for 3 months and I'll be here in Virginia by myself. So that means TTC will get put on hold as will all the tests and everything we are going through at the moment. I'm completely heartbroken. We were sure that school would be long enough that I would come, but I guess not. Not only will he be gone for 3 months, but he'll miss Christmas, his birthday, New Years and Valentines Day.

I'm a military wife, I'm used to being alone, dealing with deployments and underways and all that. But God this one is hitting me hard. I don't want to put TTC on hold. I just got my first appointment with the RE, Jeff is starting the process with the urologist, now that has to stop until we're at our next duty station. I know we're not going to get pregnant before then, Jeff's d*mn near sterile I really don't want to stay here by myself, I hate the new neighbors, yeah we have 3 guns and 2 dogs so I should feel safe but ugh, its not the same. I don't want him to be gone for Christmas and everything else. He's never been gone for anything major, he's always made it home.. I'm not even gonna get to see him on his birthday

ugh.. sometimes... being a military wife... sucks .

Results :0(

My DH dropped off his "sample" for his SA last week and we just got the results back today.. Not good news.. not good news at all.

His count is less than 5 million. There wasn't even enough to test, so that under 5 million was just a guess. We knew it was low from last time, but it didn't get any better at all . Everything else is completely normal, viscosity, PH, etc etc... just his count is so low.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what can be done. It's so hard to get a referral and get everything fixed through the military. We're not even sure if his PCM will give him a referral to a urologist.

I'm trying so hard to be strong. I know it's killing him... He was crying in the car after we found out. how heartbreaking is that. :(

How am I supposed to stay strong and be supportive, when all I want to do is cry... I know it's going to be so hard to get pregnant.. hell we're moving onto Month 11 and nada so far..

I'm really hoping and praying that this is our infertility issue. I wouldn't be able to take it if something is seriously wrong with me too. :unsure:

Sorry this is kind of rambly I'm still torn up about it all.

Doc Appt 8/18

So ladies. I had my doctor appt today, I would have updated earlier, but gosh, I didn't feel like typing it out.. lol.

Well I got there for my 11 am appt, to a waiting room full of babies and pregnant women. Normally I'm not really that affected by it, but I had a rough night so I was extra sensitive. I got called back and told the nurse why I was there. She weighed me and took my blood pressure, I informed her that last time I was there I had blood work and an ultrasound done, so she made sure to check on that before sending in the doc.

The doctor comes in and let me know that my ultrasound and blood work were completely normal (no one ever called and let me know so I was wondering). We went over my charts and everything that was talked about at my last appt. She mentioned losing a little bit of weight, that it could be what is affecting my cycles. That kind of offended me, I'm no where near overweight, I've just got a little bit of chub <_< .

We're concerned with how long this cycle has been (60 days and still going). If my period hasn't shown in another 3 weeks she's going to order Provera for me. She also ordered a blood test to see if I am pregnant or not (still waiting for her to call back and let me know, but I'm pretty positive I'm not).

Ok so the plan is... I have to call the Naval Hospital tomorrow to schedule a HSG, she also ordered a SA for Jeff, he just has to collect his "sample" and bring it to a civilian lab (hopefully it's "normal" this time and not a low count). She's also going to put in a referral for me to see a fertility specialist, since there's not really any more the base hospital can do for me.

So, I'm a little nervous about the HSG, but I know it's worth it to see if everything is clear. I'm also a little nervous about seeing a RE, I have no idea how that is going to go :unsure:.

UPDATE 8/19

So Jeff's SA is scheduled for Friday morning at 11. He has to collect his "sample" and then quickly drive to the Chesapeake Office to drop it off. Hopefully he gets there in time. My doctor should have the results of it within a week. *fingers crossed* that it's good news this time.

Portsmouth Naval Hospital is apparently only doing HSG's for AD right now, so I had to call my doctor to ask her to put in a referral for a civilian to do it. I'm still waiting to hear back from her. O yeah she also called me back yesterday and let me know my blood test was negative (like I knew it would be). Also Langley does do some infertility care, so she's going to ask around more about what they offer there and if it's up to par I'll be continuing my care there instead of off-base. Part of me is ok with that, I like Langley and the care I recieve there and all of my treatments are definitely going to be covered via tricare. The other part of me is thinking that no matter what I'd get better care at a civilian (who really knows with the doc experiences I've had down here though).

Well those are my updates for now..

Missing AF?

Ah so I never freaking write on here.. I swear I just forget its here.. lol.. I'm so bad..

So I STILL have not started my period... this is the longest cycle I have ever had.. it's driving me batty.. I'm on CD 46 right now and I don't feel AF coming on at all.

I really don't feel pregnant.. In fact I don't think I even ovulated this cycle (happens kinda often to me). I tested just for shits and giggles the other day and got a BFN (no surprise there).

I really can't believe we're on Month 10 of TTC.. I NEVER thought it'd be this freaking hard to get pregnant.. WTF... I'm ready to just call my doc back and be like ok we tried... now what?.. I'm not going to do 2 more cycles when I'm not ovulating and my cycles are this freaking long.. that's not fair!!..

blah.

My Doc Appt

~ pretty much copy/pasted from JM~

Well I got taken right back. weighed and my blood pressure taken.. everyone was really nice.. The Doctor then comes in. We talked about infertility and the causes. He asked me a bunch of questions. I told him I chart and showed them to him. He was really impressed that I was so on top of things and said everything I'm doing now is what he would have originally recommended. He's concerned about my irregular cycles (anywhere from 19- 43 days). He was very knowledgeable and made me feel very comfortable. He then did a pelvic exam and said everything felt normal. I got about 8 vials of blood drawn and have an appt to get a transvaginal ultrasound to make sure everything looks ok.

The plan is... to keep trying for the next two cycles with my CBEFM and timed intercourse. If we're not pregnant by then to call and make a new appt (sooner if my blood work and US come back abnormal). At this point he's going to get more aggressive. We spoke of a getting a HSG done and another SA on DH and of course fertility drugs. I'm a little disappointed that he didn't want to do anything more aggressive now, but I understand his reasoning for it. He's pretty confident that I will get pregnant shortly, esp since I've gotten pregnant before, he knows my body's capable of it.

So that was my doc appt.... So I have this cycle.. and next cycle... at the end of that cycle I'm too call and make an appt (since the wait was 3 weeks last time and he doesn't want me to waste another cycle)... I'm kind of anxious, since I've pretty much accepted that I'm not going to get pregnant on my own.. I hate being so pessimistic about it.. but after hitting the 9th month mark.. I can't really help but feel that way.. *sigh*

Cycle 7

So on Friday I started spotting. wasn't too bad so I was hoping it was ovulation spotting.. nope my luck isn't that good... I got AF the next day.. woo freaking hoo right?.. my cycle was only 19 days long .. wtf is up with that??... I hadn't even ovulated or anything yet... I really honestly hate my body..

My GYN appt is in 9 days.. I can't wait... hopefully they can do something for me because this is seriously getting really ridiculous... ugh.

JM Vent

Sorry if I've been kind of a downer lately ladies.. I've been depressed with everything lately.. I'm starting to feel like we're never going to get pregnant.. I've been dwelling on the fact that my body isn't meant to carry a baby.. I've been pregnant before, seen my baby on U/S heard the heartbeat.. but unfortunately I m/c.. I can't get the feeling out of the back of my mind that that was my one and only shot.. It's not like it's just me who has a problem.. DH has a low sperm count.. Mix that in there and I just feel worse..

We're supposed to go back to CT in July for my sisters wedding and I've been dreading it for months... I'm the one who got married first.. but both my sisters already have children and are happy.. It tears me up inside.. I don't know anyone IRL who has tried at all.. they all just happened to get pg right away.. hell one of my sisters got pg on BCP.. this is so freaking frustrating... all anyone says is to relax, that it'll happen when it's meant too.. ahh it makes me want to scream.. I don't know how much longer I can do this.... I hope we get some good news on the 2nd at my doc appt.. *sigh*

Doc Appt?

Still on Cycle 6/Month 8.. currently on CD 10 (about to be CD 11 but its not past midnight yet buahahaha)...

I made an appointment with my PCM for a referral... had that last Friday... Got lost trying to find her office though.. Tricare told Jeff that she was located inside the hospital on base.. so not true.. she was at a clinic OFF base... blah that sucked.. so I was late for my appointment.. but I got in .. talked to her about everything thats been going on (Shes really nice and I like the clinic.. FINALLY found a good doc down here).. she put in a referral for me to go to the OB/GYN clinic..

Called Tricare Monday.. my referral went through. called the clinic to make an appointment.. the lady on the phone asked if I was making an appointment because I was pregnant (thanks for rubbing it in that I'm not).. I told her no. it was to talk about infertility... blah.. the closest available appt they had was on July 2nd.... nothing sooner *sigh*.. I *can* call every day to see if there's a cancellation but Jeff just can't get up and leave work at the drop of a hat to take me.. so gotta wait till July.. I suppose thats not soo bad though.. my cycles are long so I should have just O'd..

Well guess I'll give another update after the appointment

Cycle 6/Month 8

So I started spotting last night (5/31) it was very very light so I didn't think that much of it. But I woke up this morning with AF.. UGH WTF? why can't I fucking get pregnant.. stupid stupid... SO NOW we're on MONTH 8. and cycle 6 (I hate long cycles can't get anything right)

Well I got a ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor (CBEFM) so I'll be using that this cycle. I reset the memory and started it up this morning so that's all set to go.. hopefully that works because I'm seriously starting to lose hope that it'll ever happen..

In the 2WW

Wow I haven't written in over a month.. lol.. well guess time to update. lol.

Well I went back through my old charts and undiscarded the temps and removed my user overrides and guess what.. I've never O'd.. I've only been charting for 3 months.. but wow that sucked to see.. BUT.. according to my temps as of right now, I O'd 5 days ago!. woohoo!!! I'm so excited.. hopefully I really did O, my temps stay up and I'm pregnant! that would be awesome.. but I'm not getting my hopes up..

I'm making an appt this week with my *new* PCM to talk about TTC and everything thats been going on.. I want to be proactive, esp with our medical issues. KWIM?. Hopefully she'll tell me some good news..

Ah I've also ordered a ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor for this next cycle (Cycle 6/Month 8).. Hopefully that will more accurately tell me if I'm Oing, since I never get a positive OPK..

Well more updates when either AF shows or I get a BFP (more than likely when AF shows though)

Cycle #5/Month 7

Ugh AF reared her ugly face today... wasn't really expecting her but when we had sex I bled so I knew she was on her way.. and I was right... this sucks.. my temps were really good this month and I was getting my hopes up.. ugh I knew I shouldn't have done that..Well good things are that our baby wouldn't share his/her bday with a major holiday and Jeff's bday.. so I guess that's a good thing..

Top it all off.. some chick who got her kids taken away from her for being an unfit mother .. just found out shes prego with kid #6.. AND she tricked her husband into it.. *sigh* makes me sad when it's so easy for nasty people like that to get pregnant but Jeff and I are having difficulties.

Well I'm still going to do my plan for this month.. Recap:: I plan on temping vaginally since I believe that'll be more accurate for my body.. I'm also going to order some more PreSeed and I also have OPK's so I'll start using those on CD 15 or 16. We'll also be BDing every other day since Jeff has a low sperm count and we want to give him time to replenish his supplies (lol).

Also Jeff is going for another SA on Monday.. hopefully his results are better than last time *fingers crossed* Oo I almost forgot.. We ordered some Maca Root for him too.. in powder form.. so hopefully that does some good too... I really just want to be pregnant already.. It's so depressing.. I don't know how ladies who have been trying forever handle it from month to month.. Ya'll are my heroes!

*Update*

So I figured I'd write a little update about me... I'm currently on CD 38.. still no sign of AF.. *shrug*.. Someone on JM commented on my chart and said they think I O'd later than my crosshairs were showing.. so I overrode FF and now I'm 13 DPO.. my temps are still up and I did a chart comparison on FF and everyone like mine resulted in a positive test.. sooo.. I will test again if AF doesn't show by CD 41 ( the longest cycle I've had since coming off BCP)..

I'm still going to do everything I posted earlier if AF does end up showing.. but hopefully that doesn't happen and I'm pregnant!!.. OMG I really hope so.. Here are my "symptoms"

* sore nipples.. kind of a random shooting pain that goes through my boobs as well
* cramps and backache
* way more tired than usual.. I've been sleeping in a lot longer lately
* random cramps.. pulling sensations in my uterine area
* really oily skin (my skin is never like this)

That's pretty much it.. hopefully it's good news.. *fingers crossed*.. I'm really trying not to get my hopes to high though.. I hate being disappointed.

Oo.. I got my first baby purchase today.. a baby boy bedding set off Ebay.. brand new... Nautical theme.. only $46 including shipping.. how can you beat that? pic above..

We've also decided we are going to cloth diaper full time.. I've been researching it a lot.. and there's so many benefits.. being good for the environment.. better for the baby.. and cheaper in the long run.. I've pretty much decided what one's I'm going to use already too (as long as baby cooperates).. so I'm pretty excited about that.. We're going to start buying them now.. 1 or 2 a month.. just to build up our stash.. and so we're not buying them all at once.. I actually found a store relatively close to us that sells all of that stuff.. so I'm pretty excited about that..

Alright.. I'll update later.. be it a BFP or the arrival of AF.

Waiting on AF

So I'm kinda down right now.. I'm currently 13 DPO, I tested this morning with FMU and got a BFN.. ugh.. that completely sucks.. I was feeling pretty good about this cycle too, my chart was looking good and our BD timing was right on.. *sigh* so now I'm just waiting for AF to show her ugly face... If she doesn't show by CD 41 I'll test again (that's the longest my cycle has been since coming off BCP- that was the first cycle).. I'm currently on CD 31 so not much longer.. UGH UGH UGH.

This next cycle (Cycle #5) I plan on temping vaginally since I believe that'll be more accurate for my body.. I'm also going to order some more PreSeed and I also have OPK's so I'll start using those on CD 15 or 16. We'll also be BDing every other day since Jeff has a low sperm count and we want to give him time to replenish his supplies (lol).

I'll write more later.. when I have some new news..

Nothing New

Hey.. so just a quick update.. since it's after midnight I'm officially on CD 11.. just waiting to O. I started charting this cycle.. my temp.. cm and cp.. so hopefully that works out for us..

Jeff is scheduling a new SA for after I O.. so *fingers crossed* that it's good results this time.. I'm really hoping last time was like a fluke or something.. But either way we'll get through it.

Well that's really all I have to update about.. lol I'll write more after I O. When I'm in the dreaded 2ww. :0)

I want to cry.

I really just want to cry right now... I know we've only been TTC for 4 cycles now.. but after just finding out we have MFI and everything I'm feeling with that I'm really emotional right now. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it so I figured why not blog.

I'm freaking so sad.. All these girls who JUST started trying.. or weren't really trying end up pregnant right away.. ALL I ever wanted was to get pregnant. and it might not happen at all. I really just want to cry.

Why not us? Will I ever get to feel that joy?. I can't even talk to Jeff about this because I don't want to make him feel bad at all. It's not his fault. *sigh*

I can't even really feel happy for anyone right now.. I'm just kind of numb. It sounds so mean and heartless. But it's just not freaking fair.. *sigh*

*sigh*

So Jeff and I argued all weekend pretty bad.. He was just throwing things at me out of nowhere.. About how he wants to stay in the Navy for 20yrs.. how he wants to be Seal.. doesn't want children for a few years.. and some other things.. I was completely shocked.. cuz well we've talked about all of this and I had thought we'd come to our decisions... I spent most of the weekend crying in bed because I thought he was just done with me..

Well today he finally writes me a note and lets me know that he had a SA done at Urology and his count is really low. The doctor said something about childhood obesity killing some of the glands or something like that.. He was pretty torn up about that. He got it done almost a month ago and never told me.. I feel horrible that he felt as if he couldn't confide in me. What does that say about me?.

Anyway we talked about it all. Least as much as we could. And we've decided to let everything work it self out. I love him more than anything and I'm not going to leave him because there's a chance we may never be able to have kids naturally. If it comes to IUI or IVF then we'll do that. We talked about the military also and I've agreed to let him stay in as long as he wants.. just not as a SEAL.. that was his little compromise.. lol.

I'm not going to lie.. I am pretty tore up about this. I've always wanted children. I've always wanted to be a mommy.. But I love my husband and I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. I don't want kids with anyone else but him.

So we're going to keep on trying.. I started charting this month to know exactly when I O. I asked him to get another SA done. I've researched MFI a little bit.. so hopefully we'll get some good news when he gets a second opinion. IDK this really sucks.. But we'll get through it.

Af showed

Well AF showed up yesterday morning full force.. *sigh*. O well.. I don't even know if we're going to try this next cycle.. we've been arguing... So we may take a break and try and sort some things out.. *sigh*. I don't think it's ever going to happen.

03/13/2008

So still no AF.. kinda frustrated with that.. 3 tests have come up negative... I had a small dot of brown spotting the other day... but nothing else since then.. I guess I've been having some symptoms of pg/AF..

~ sensitive boobs
~ pulling/tugging feeling in lower stomach/pelvic area
~ cramping
~ more creamy CM than normal
~ tired a lot
~ grumpy
~ hot flashes
~ thirsty

I think that's all.. I think if AF doesn't show up next week I'm going to call my doc and possibly get some bloodwork done.. this is just too odd... *sigh*.

Brooke Reading

So I got a Brooke reading done on February 13th. I figured I might as well post the results.

I asked her about when I could expect to get pregnant.. This is what she said...

Hi April! I'm getting a May/June time-frame for either conception or BFP. Also a BOY comes up. They also show this being a full-term pregnancy. They do show you needing rest, and having a little morning sickness, but nothing out of the ordinary.Let me know when you get your BFP!

Blessings,

-Brooke

So that's pretty exciting. I hope I get pregnant sooner than that though. I'm really liking that it showed a boy and it being a full term pregnancy.. I'm pretty scared that I'll have another miscarriage so that put my fears at ease a little tiny bit. Now come on BFP!!!.. I really can't wait to be pregnant.. Jeff will make such a great dad.. I'm scared of course. It'll be all new, nothing we've ever gone through before. But it will be amazing.

3/10/08

lol I really don't post on here a lot.. I always forget that I have it. lol. So scatterbrained sometimes. I'm on CD 33.. AF was supposed to show 3 days ago.. but alas.. she's not here yet. I tested twice. and both times got a BFN.. depressing.. but what are you going to do?. I just wish she would show already so we can start cycle 4.. Wow I can't believe we've been trying to conceive that long already. It's nuts. I really hope it happens soon.. *sigh* I'm such an impatient person..

So I got a little down the other day.. A girl I know just found out she was pregnant and her and her husband were talking about divorce a few months ago. I feel like she got pg to save her marriage. Which is shitty of me to think.. but I can't help it. Then another girl who's bulimic and was just in the hospital for it found out she was pg too.. *sigh* so not fair.

My sister who's due early June had an ultrasound today. She's been having a pretty rough pregnancy and during the ultrasound they found out that Jaden has really large kidneys.. They have to do another diabetes test and probably an amnio test too.. I feel bad for her

02/28/2008

ok so just a little update.. I'm on CD 22... due to get AF around March 8th.. I really don't think that this is our cycle.. *sigh*. I don't have any symptoms or anything.. but I'll test if AF doesn't come on time...

I know my body is still adjusting to not being on BCP.. I just hope it doesn't take forever and a day to get pg. lol I'm too impatient for my own good.

First Post

So... I guess having a blog is the cool thing to do.. So I'm going to jump on the bandwagon. :0) .

I'm April.. married to Jeff since August 2006.. he's in the Navy.. we're stationed in VA.. I've been off bcp since November 07 and we've been TTC since then.

It's very frustrating sometimes.. I know it hasn't been long.. but I'm a very impatient person.. so anything over a day is too long for me.. I know I know that's bad.. but o well what do you want from me?..

A little background on us..

In July 2006 I had a miscarriage when I was 10 weeks along.. the sack only measured at 6 weeks though.. It was one of the scariest things that's ever happened to me. and extremely painful.. I was depressed for a long time after that.. thank god I had Jeff or I don't know how I would have got through it. Now that we are actively TTC I'm absolutely terrified that this is going to happen again. I don't know how I would deal with that. :0(.

Alright enough for now.... I'll write more later..