*sigh*

So Jeff and I argued all weekend pretty bad.. He was just throwing things at me out of nowhere.. About how he wants to stay in the Navy for 20yrs.. how he wants to be Seal.. doesn't want children for a few years.. and some other things.. I was completely shocked.. cuz well we've talked about all of this and I had thought we'd come to our decisions... I spent most of the weekend crying in bed because I thought he was just done with me..

Well today he finally writes me a note and lets me know that he had a SA done at Urology and his count is really low. The doctor said something about childhood obesity killing some of the glands or something like that.. He was pretty torn up about that. He got it done almost a month ago and never told me.. I feel horrible that he felt as if he couldn't confide in me. What does that say about me?.

Anyway we talked about it all. Least as much as we could. And we've decided to let everything work it self out. I love him more than anything and I'm not going to leave him because there's a chance we may never be able to have kids naturally. If it comes to IUI or IVF then we'll do that. We talked about the military also and I've agreed to let him stay in as long as he wants.. just not as a SEAL.. that was his little compromise.. lol.

I'm not going to lie.. I am pretty tore up about this. I've always wanted children. I've always wanted to be a mommy.. But I love my husband and I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. I don't want kids with anyone else but him.

So we're going to keep on trying.. I started charting this month to know exactly when I O. I asked him to get another SA done. I've researched MFI a little bit.. so hopefully we'll get some good news when he gets a second opinion. IDK this really sucks.. But we'll get through it.