1st RE appt *Mega Rant*

I had my first RE appt today. Made Jeff go with me of course. LOL. Well we get there on time, give them all the paperwork and what not and then sit down and wait for freaking ever. Finally got called back, but not to see the original doctor I was supposed to see but someone else because shes still in with a patient.

So we go over our complete history. My cycles, what I've had done so far. My family history, Jeff's history, about his SA's.. blah blah blah.. Well guess what happened after that....

NOTHING. They put in an order to get my medical record from my OB-GYN (the bloodwork and U/S results). O yeah and they drew a pointless vial of blood to test for who knows what. Apparently they're going to go over my bloodwork and everything and then go from there. Are you freaking kidding me?. I drove 45 mins out of my way for that? What bullshit.

So here's their pointless plan..

They're going to monitor my hormone levels and all that (yay! lots of blood going to be drawn). and they're supposedly going to monitor me by U/S to make sure I'm ovulating or whatever. If I'm not then we'll talk about putting me on medication to make me. I'm so freaking sick and tired of all the doctors I go to not doing a damn thing for me. How hard is it to help us?. It's not fair, all these people go to their docs and get help right away. Not me. I have horrible fucking luck. All my docs want to be conservative with my treatment. I'm going nuts.

Best part. Jeff is leaving in 2 months to go to school down in Florida. He won't be home for 3 months. Then we're PCSing right away so I'll have to get a new doctor and a new referral to a RE. So after November we won't really be getting any help until at the earliest March.

I'm so frustrated with this whole process. Jeff has a low count, almost clinically sterile (I should be getting the results of his second SA tomorrow so we'll know more then. o yeah he got a referral for an urologist too so we're waiting on that too). We more than likely will NOT get pregnant naturally. So why won't anyone help us?. Seriously this is ridiculous.

This whole TTC process is really putting a strain on our relationship. I'm stressed and depressed all the time and definitely taking it out on him. I can't help it though, I don't know how to redirect any of that. I guess I partly blame him, it's not right of me I know that, but its what I'm doing. I'm stressing out that no one will help. I'm stressing out that he's leaving soon for 3 months. I'm stressing about having to start over in a new state. I'm stressing out thinking that I'll never get pregnant. I'm stressing out that if I never get pregnant I'll resent Jeff for the rest of my life. I'm stressing that he's acting so non-chalant about it. For once I'd like the man to show some damn emotion about something. He cried when he first found out about his low count and since then he's just been his usual cold self. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm really ready to just give up. Maybe we're just not meant to have kids. That's really hard to swallow.

No one understands how I feel. They're trying to sympathize and stuff, but really it just comes off sounding fucking lame. I hung up on my mom today because she said something like "at least you got the ball rolling with the new doc". Yeah. she took my information. I could have done that over the phone. what a pointless appointment. You know I haven't talked to either one of my sisters since July. I don't want to hear about their kids or have them give me some bullshit saying they're sorry. Fuck that.

God. I really hate this. Getting pregnant is not supposed to be this damn hard.