Some more updates!

Sorry about my complete meltdown in the previous post.. I was extremely upset with everything and not thinking rationally.. I basically slept and cried the whole day.

We went back on Sunday for another appt. It was a lot better! I had 10 follicles - 5 on each ovary.. My lining was a 10B and my E-2 levels were 664. Which is loads better than Friday's appt.

We went back today for another appt. Again lots better! I now have 13 follicles - 7 on my left and 6 on my right... They're ranging in size from 8mm to 18mm. My lining is still a 10B (which is great - nice thick three layer lining). I'm going back again tomorrow and if everything is good I'll be triggering that night and having my ER on Friday.. Which means a 3 day transfer would be on the 4th and a 5 day transfer would be on the 6th.. and Beta day would be on the 15th. The doc said that not all the follicles will be mature on that day (they just popped up) but we should have a really good number that are (around 10). I'm getting really excited and nervous.. I can't believe that it's finally almost here.

Basically what happened is they understimulated me (because of my age and our diagnosis -MFI), because they wanted to avoid having me get OHSS, which I completely understand (annoys me but whatever). So it took me a little longer to get some follicles and get them mature. It's hard with your first IVF cylce, because they really don't know how you'll respond or what dosage to give you.. no hard feelings towards them at all.

Ugh I'm getting so tender.. I'm bloated and uncomfortable.. I can totally feel both my ovaries, it's like an ache on each side that doesn't ever go away.. and then every once in awhile I'll get some stabbing pains in each side.. (I asked the Doc, it's normal) .. I'm also so hot all the time... O well.. it's really completely worth it.

O one last thing.. we're trying to decide if we want to transfer 2 or 3.. I have Jeff researching it (since I already have) to see what his opinion is...

Can someone just kill me now??

Seriously... it'd be way easier than this long drawn out torture I've been going through for the past 18 months.. *sigh*

I went and had our first U/S today to check on how everythings going... It's seriously NOT good news at all... I only have 6 follicles right now... 2 on my right ovary and 4 on my left ovary... the lead follicle is already 13mm and my lining is a 9B.. That's HORRIBLE (well the lining is great but thats it) ... I'm so beyond upset with WR.. I hate that they put me on a certain dose because of my age.... I'm on the lowest possible dose for IVF with only 75IU of Gonal-F and 75 IU of Menopur- that's what other RE's give patients for injectable IUI cycles... I paid 5700$ for a glorified IUI cylce.. fuck man I ovulate 3 to 5 eggs on 50mg of Clomid!! I did have some other little follicles - but they don't measure or look at anything under 8mm.. *sigh*

I started crying as soon as the U/S was finished - I was/am devastated.. we went in the next room to talk to the Doctor afterwards and she attempted (and failed) to make me feel better.. basically what she said is that 6 eggs at this stage is pretty good and they're all developing wonderfully, that my lining looks fantastic.. and that the other little follicles will probably catch up before retrieval.. Also I'm on a very low dose because of my age and the very real risk of OHSS because of my age.

I'm sorry but I don't care.. this is not acceptable.. I feel totally and completely screwed over.. I can't believe they don't seem concerned that there was only 6! I've researched IVF completely.. I know the statistics.. and we're fucked..

We started this cycle with around a 60% chance of it working - with only having 6 eggs the chance has now gone down to 35% (yes way freaking better than trying naturally but that is not making me feel better).. AND keep these facts in mind..

*just because there's 6 follicles doesn't mean we'll get 6 eggs
* some of those eggs may not be mature at retrieval
* not all eggs fertilize
* not all eggs split properly

So looking at it realistically - if we really end up having only 6 eggs we're looking at having 2 maybe 3 eggs that'll make it to transfer.. That sucks man.. and that's being optimistic.. ugh ugh ..
ugh'

I really don't know what to do.. I'm very tempted to up my dosage myself.. I have more than enough medication... but I'm also not a Doctor and don't know what I'm doing... it's very tempting though....

I'm just so incredibly upset and can't believe WR is not more concerned... and I can't believe how bad they fucked me.. they way understimulated me and that's not cool.. Right now I feel like we wasted all that money.. and we can't afford to do it again right now so this was basically a one shot deal..

I have another appt on Sunday for b/w and an u/s.. so I guess I'll know more then and update again... ugh PLEASE keep us in your thoughts and prayers.. we REALLY need it right now.. I will NOT be able to handle it if this doesn't work.

just some updates :0)

Well, I gave myself the Menopur/Gonal-F shot last night and that's what happened.. a big disgusting bruise! WTH! lol I know it's totally normal, but still it looks ugly! That's what I get for being grumpy with Jeff and doing it myself :0( (O BTW it's insanely hard to take a picture of a bruise on your belly by yourself and have it come out half decent- so bite me on the pic quality =P)

So, we had another appt at WR today - it was just for blood work - to check my estradiol levels- They said they'd call me by 3pm if my levels were too high or too low -- well I got no phone call at all so that means my levels are perfect :0) (of course I'm going to ask exactly my levels were at my next appt just for sanitys sake).

After the appt we went to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park - it's really nice for a free zoo, we were pretty surprised. (ah before we went to the Zoo we attempted to go to the Smithsonian Museums but after driving around for almost a hour we gave up on trying to find a parking space. .ugh) I LOVE Giant Pandas.. OMG they're beyond adorable!

I've been having some symptoms as well --
from the medication = hot flashes and totally emotional
from my ovaries (lol) = I can "feel" them, they're a little tender/sore and that area feels hmm "full" seems like an appropriate word..

I have to go back to WR tomorrow for Pre-Admission, which I guess is the same thing (but not) as pre-op?.. at least that's what WR told me.. and they rescheduled me from Friday.. which blows but whatever... hopefully it's not a pointless trip.. We'll also be there on Friday for more blood work and an ultrasound to check up on what's going on in there.. I'm REALLY looking forward to that.. lol I want to know how many follicles I have developing!

Well that's it for now... more again at some later date!

Started Stimming!

Well, it's official! I'm finally actually starting IVF!!! Last night (the 19th) was my first night of stimming!

Thank God my clinic has me mix the Gonal-F and Menopur, one less shot to take!! :0) It was a little bit of a pain in the ass to do it though, the mixing needle is like a 18 gauge (HUGE!) I had a little trouble getting all the medication up.. =o(.. my dosage is 75 IU of Gonal -F and 75 IU of Menopur. It's a pretty low dose because of my age and the fact that our diagnosis is MFI, so I'm completely healthy.. that and the fact that I responded so strongly to Clomid.. I'm a little nervous that this dose won't really do that much, but I have to trust that WR knows what they're doing.

Today was day 2 of the stims, and I've been having slight ovarian twinges, so I'm pretty confident something is going on in there. O yeah, also I used the lil Q things that come with the Menopur box - way freaking easier to draw up all the medication. I'll definetly be using that thing from now on.

O yeah, the medicinie stings a little bit - not horribly - but it definietly stings! I find it's easier to have Jeff do it - when I give myself a shot, I tend to hestitate because I know it's going to hurt a little bit - Jeff doesn't pause at all so it actually hurts less :0)

Well, that's all.. my next appt is on Wed. but thats just to draw my blood to check my estradiol levels..

Baseline Appt Update

So, we had our baseline appointment this morning. God I am so NOT a morning person.. getting up at 4:30 in the morning SUCKS! LOL... I did it anyway.. because well it's totally worth it.

Anyways.. we got to WR with plenty of time to spare and walked into the OB Clinic. It's kind of funny because they do a bunch of patients at once so we had to grab a number and sit (reminds me of the deli. lol). Well our number got called so I went back and got my blood drawn. Then we went back for an ultrasound to check on how things were (my lining, ovary size and antral follicle count). My lining is perfect for where I'm at in my cycle (the very beginning!), my ovaries are perfectly normal and my antral follicle count was 18. I had 6 on my left ovary and 12 on my right.. talk about unbalanced.. hehe.. My antral follicle count is perfect, I'm in the category with the "best" pregnancy rates, so that's pretty awesome.

After the ultrasound we sat down with the Doctor. We got our "official" schedule and what dosages of meds I'll be taking. Here's the schedule

Starting tonight (15th) I have to reduce my Lupron to 5 units once a day. Then on Sunday (19th) I'll start taking my stims (75 IU of Menopur and 75 IU of Gonal-F). On Wednesday (22nd) I'll go in for blood work to measure my estradiol levels to make sure I'm responding to the medication. On the 24th I'll go back again for blood work, an ultrasound and pre-op. Everything after that is very tentative because it depends on how I respond to the treatment.

OK, so after the Doc we had to wait for the pharmacy to open. It finally does, we get our number and get called to the desk. Well... after a wait and some difficulties I finally got my meds... or did I?.. LOL well we checked the bag before we left completely and the moron forgot to give me my Gonal-F! WTF! What a pain in the ass! Thankfully we actually checked before we left because that would have majorly sucked. ugh (O that picture at the top is ALL my medication minus one box of Lupron)

Next came injectables class.. that was pretty boring, seeing as how I already know how to do it all. I did learn that I can mix the Gonal-F and Menopur so I can take them as one single shot! So I'll only have 2 a day :0) thats pretty cool.

My PIO will be here tomorrow (overnight delivery from Freedom Fertility Pharmacy - it's the only thing that WR doesn't carry). That's really the only shot I'm a little concerned with because I've heard horror stories.. but I think I'll be OK..

Well there's your update :0) I'm very excited/nervous about this whole thing.. I guess you could term it "cautiously optimistic"... I don't want to get my hopes completely up because I don't think I could handle the complete disapointment if it didn't happen to work... ugh PLEASE keep us in your thoughts and prayers! <3