1st RE appt *Mega Rant*

I had my first RE appt today. Made Jeff go with me of course. LOL. Well we get there on time, give them all the paperwork and what not and then sit down and wait for freaking ever. Finally got called back, but not to see the original doctor I was supposed to see but someone else because shes still in with a patient.

So we go over our complete history. My cycles, what I've had done so far. My family history, Jeff's history, about his SA's.. blah blah blah.. Well guess what happened after that....

NOTHING. They put in an order to get my medical record from my OB-GYN (the bloodwork and U/S results). O yeah and they drew a pointless vial of blood to test for who knows what. Apparently they're going to go over my bloodwork and everything and then go from there. Are you freaking kidding me?. I drove 45 mins out of my way for that? What bullshit.

So here's their pointless plan..

They're going to monitor my hormone levels and all that (yay! lots of blood going to be drawn). and they're supposedly going to monitor me by U/S to make sure I'm ovulating or whatever. If I'm not then we'll talk about putting me on medication to make me. I'm so freaking sick and tired of all the doctors I go to not doing a damn thing for me. How hard is it to help us?. It's not fair, all these people go to their docs and get help right away. Not me. I have horrible fucking luck. All my docs want to be conservative with my treatment. I'm going nuts.

Best part. Jeff is leaving in 2 months to go to school down in Florida. He won't be home for 3 months. Then we're PCSing right away so I'll have to get a new doctor and a new referral to a RE. So after November we won't really be getting any help until at the earliest March.

I'm so frustrated with this whole process. Jeff has a low count, almost clinically sterile (I should be getting the results of his second SA tomorrow so we'll know more then. o yeah he got a referral for an urologist too so we're waiting on that too). We more than likely will NOT get pregnant naturally. So why won't anyone help us?. Seriously this is ridiculous.

This whole TTC process is really putting a strain on our relationship. I'm stressed and depressed all the time and definitely taking it out on him. I can't help it though, I don't know how to redirect any of that. I guess I partly blame him, it's not right of me I know that, but its what I'm doing. I'm stressing out that no one will help. I'm stressing out that he's leaving soon for 3 months. I'm stressing about having to start over in a new state. I'm stressing out thinking that I'll never get pregnant. I'm stressing out that if I never get pregnant I'll resent Jeff for the rest of my life. I'm stressing that he's acting so non-chalant about it. For once I'd like the man to show some damn emotion about something. He cried when he first found out about his low count and since then he's just been his usual cold self. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm really ready to just give up. Maybe we're just not meant to have kids. That's really hard to swallow.

No one understands how I feel. They're trying to sympathize and stuff, but really it just comes off sounding fucking lame. I hung up on my mom today because she said something like "at least you got the ball rolling with the new doc". Yeah. she took my information. I could have done that over the phone. what a pointless appointment. You know I haven't talked to either one of my sisters since July. I don't want to hear about their kids or have them give me some bullshit saying they're sorry. Fuck that.

God. I really hate this. Getting pregnant is not supposed to be this damn hard.

hate the Navy

Well.. sometimes I hate the Navy..

I told ya'll about how my DH got cross rated and would need to go to school in Florida for a little while. Well he got his orders today..

and..



they are unaccompanied orders.. Which means that I don't go with him.. turns out the school is only 10-12 weeks long and they have to be at least 16 weeks to get accompanied/PCS orders. He leaves November 17th.

So my husband is going to Pensacola Florida for 3 months and I'll be here in Virginia by myself. So that means TTC will get put on hold as will all the tests and everything we are going through at the moment. I'm completely heartbroken. We were sure that school would be long enough that I would come, but I guess not. Not only will he be gone for 3 months, but he'll miss Christmas, his birthday, New Years and Valentines Day.

I'm a military wife, I'm used to being alone, dealing with deployments and underways and all that. But God this one is hitting me hard. I don't want to put TTC on hold. I just got my first appointment with the RE, Jeff is starting the process with the urologist, now that has to stop until we're at our next duty station. I know we're not going to get pregnant before then, Jeff's d*mn near sterile I really don't want to stay here by myself, I hate the new neighbors, yeah we have 3 guns and 2 dogs so I should feel safe but ugh, its not the same. I don't want him to be gone for Christmas and everything else. He's never been gone for anything major, he's always made it home.. I'm not even gonna get to see him on his birthday

ugh.. sometimes... being a military wife... sucks .

Results :0(

My DH dropped off his "sample" for his SA last week and we just got the results back today.. Not good news.. not good news at all.

His count is less than 5 million. There wasn't even enough to test, so that under 5 million was just a guess. We knew it was low from last time, but it didn't get any better at all . Everything else is completely normal, viscosity, PH, etc etc... just his count is so low.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what can be done. It's so hard to get a referral and get everything fixed through the military. We're not even sure if his PCM will give him a referral to a urologist.

I'm trying so hard to be strong. I know it's killing him... He was crying in the car after we found out. how heartbreaking is that. :(

How am I supposed to stay strong and be supportive, when all I want to do is cry... I know it's going to be so hard to get pregnant.. hell we're moving onto Month 11 and nada so far..

I'm really hoping and praying that this is our infertility issue. I wouldn't be able to take it if something is seriously wrong with me too. :unsure:

Sorry this is kind of rambly I'm still torn up about it all.

Doc Appt 8/18

So ladies. I had my doctor appt today, I would have updated earlier, but gosh, I didn't feel like typing it out.. lol.

Well I got there for my 11 am appt, to a waiting room full of babies and pregnant women. Normally I'm not really that affected by it, but I had a rough night so I was extra sensitive. I got called back and told the nurse why I was there. She weighed me and took my blood pressure, I informed her that last time I was there I had blood work and an ultrasound done, so she made sure to check on that before sending in the doc.

The doctor comes in and let me know that my ultrasound and blood work were completely normal (no one ever called and let me know so I was wondering). We went over my charts and everything that was talked about at my last appt. She mentioned losing a little bit of weight, that it could be what is affecting my cycles. That kind of offended me, I'm no where near overweight, I've just got a little bit of chub <_< .

We're concerned with how long this cycle has been (60 days and still going). If my period hasn't shown in another 3 weeks she's going to order Provera for me. She also ordered a blood test to see if I am pregnant or not (still waiting for her to call back and let me know, but I'm pretty positive I'm not).

Ok so the plan is... I have to call the Naval Hospital tomorrow to schedule a HSG, she also ordered a SA for Jeff, he just has to collect his "sample" and bring it to a civilian lab (hopefully it's "normal" this time and not a low count). She's also going to put in a referral for me to see a fertility specialist, since there's not really any more the base hospital can do for me.

So, I'm a little nervous about the HSG, but I know it's worth it to see if everything is clear. I'm also a little nervous about seeing a RE, I have no idea how that is going to go :unsure:.

UPDATE 8/19

So Jeff's SA is scheduled for Friday morning at 11. He has to collect his "sample" and then quickly drive to the Chesapeake Office to drop it off. Hopefully he gets there in time. My doctor should have the results of it within a week. *fingers crossed* that it's good news this time.

Portsmouth Naval Hospital is apparently only doing HSG's for AD right now, so I had to call my doctor to ask her to put in a referral for a civilian to do it. I'm still waiting to hear back from her. O yeah she also called me back yesterday and let me know my blood test was negative (like I knew it would be). Also Langley does do some infertility care, so she's going to ask around more about what they offer there and if it's up to par I'll be continuing my care there instead of off-base. Part of me is ok with that, I like Langley and the care I recieve there and all of my treatments are definitely going to be covered via tricare. The other part of me is thinking that no matter what I'd get better care at a civilian (who really knows with the doc experiences I've had down here though).

Well those are my updates for now..

Missing AF?

Ah so I never freaking write on here.. I swear I just forget its here.. lol.. I'm so bad..

So I STILL have not started my period... this is the longest cycle I have ever had.. it's driving me batty.. I'm on CD 46 right now and I don't feel AF coming on at all.

I really don't feel pregnant.. In fact I don't think I even ovulated this cycle (happens kinda often to me). I tested just for shits and giggles the other day and got a BFN (no surprise there).

I really can't believe we're on Month 10 of TTC.. I NEVER thought it'd be this freaking hard to get pregnant.. WTF... I'm ready to just call my doc back and be like ok we tried... now what?.. I'm not going to do 2 more cycles when I'm not ovulating and my cycles are this freaking long.. that's not fair!!..

blah.